The World of Pokémon
by Psyduck Ranger
Summary: Join Egbert Fropper as he studies the strange creatures inhabiting the pokémon world, in his own documentary...and finding that all the facts are a load of Tauroscrap.
1. Rampaging Rhyhorn

A/N: Greetings from Tri-Sol! I come bearing this fic…now it's up to you to decide if it's worth anything, or if it deserves to be shredded to bits like Simon Cowell would do to Christmas Carollers. A before a pokémons name means that I'm using the Japanese name since that pokémon doesn't have an English name yet. Bon appetite!

Disclaimer: I'm not in any way affiliated with pokémon or anything similar, though if Poké Rangers Dimension Warriors is anything to go by, I will be by 2012. Furthermore, little of this info is official to my knowledge, so…yeah…

Oh, by the way, if you're wondering why Rhyhorn…I asked my Mum to name any wild animal, and she said rhino, so…

The World of Pokémon: The Rampaging Rhyhorn

A man wearing a beige explorers outfit, hat and all, laden with a backpack and a belt bearing a lot of equipment was stood just in shot of the camera, apparently talking to the cameraman.

"What…oh crap, we're rolling!" he cried, and he ran a few feet away, in front of the camera.

"Hello, I'm world-renowned Pokémon Watcher, Egbert Fropper," he whispered excitedly, "Welcome to my new show, The World of Pokémon, where we'll explore – the world of pokémon…who wrote this?" he asked the cameraman.

"Oh…right…me…" he said moments later.

"Well, today, we're going to be discovering all we can about the mighty wild Rhyhorn. Let's go see if we can find one," Egbert said. He walked off, and eventually, the camera followed. They searched for several hours, without finding any pokémon, let alone Rhyhorn. Eventually, however, they found one grazing by a tree.

"Ah, excellent. Now, as we approach it, we have to remember to stay downwind, so that it can't smell us, and make sure our breathing matches its, so it cant hear us. Those are the first two rules of Pokémon Watching. Even though Rhyhorn have incredible strength, a wide range of attacks and abilities, and can be extremely dangerous if provoked, they're naturally very peaceful creatures, but they don't get on well with humans – oh dear, it's spotted us! I think we'd better run!" Egbert cried. The Rhyhorn had finished grazing, and had spotted Edgar and the cameraman.

"Fortunately, Rhyhorn are well known for being very slow, so if we go fast enough, we should be able to-" he said whilst running, but stopped and screamed like a little girl as the Rhyhorn ran at hyper speed, caught up, and tackled him to the ground.

"This is it! Goodbye cruel world!" Edgar cried dramatically, but then he started giggling, "Hey, hey stop it! Come on!"

The human-hating Rhyhorn was licking him in a friendly way.

Shortly…

"Now, the reason this Rhyhorn here is so friendly is because it's only a baby," Edgar said, feeding the tiny Rhyhorn some Pecha berries, "But if it was fully grown, then neither I nor Ted here would still be alive. Now, whilst Rhyhorn can only learn three types of attacks naturally, normal, rock, and bug, but with TM's it can also learn electric attacks, fire attacks, um, ice attacks, and more. However, there's a common misconception that Rhyhorn can learn Surf, but this isn't true; they can't learn Surf until they evolve into Rhydon. Almost pointlessly, in fact, the only water attack they can learn is-" Edgar continued, but he was cut off as the baby blasted out a Water Gun at him.

"-Rain Dance…not Water Gun…" Edgar said rather in an irritated tone. Next, the young pokémon shot a Psybeam into the sky.

"Oh, forget it," Edgar yelled, and he stormed off.

Shortly…

"Now, it's a good thing we did leave that Rhyhorn quickly, because if its parents found us, they certainly would have attacked us, as Rhyhorn are very protective of their young. However, it's a shame, because Rhyhorn are a very rare breed, having been almost hunted to extinction. Rhydon are even rarer, partly due to evolving at such a high level. And since Rhydon cant evolve into Dosaidon without the help of an item, they're virtually non existent in the wild," Edgar finished.

However, at the top of the hill he looked down, and saw a field full of about 50 Rhydon and Dosaidon – each. Furthermore, they were using their eggs like footballs (soccer balls).

"You know what, forget it, to hell with it! Screw the Rhyhorn family!" he cried at the top of his lungs.

This attracted the attention of the Rhydon and Dosaidon in the field below. They raced up the hill, and Edgar didn't even bother to get out of their way, as they trampled over him, narrowly avoiding the cameraman.

"Edgar Fropper, your Safari game is over," a voice boomed over the Safari Zone's PA system, "Edgar Fropper, your Safari game is over."

"What!? But I paid them triple price for more time!" Edgar cried, returning to his feet. He sighed, and looked at the camera.

"Join me again next week, when we'll profile-" he started, but he paused, as he was again trampled by the Rhydon and Dosaidon, returning to their field.

"When I quit! Edgar out!"

A/N: Wow, I'm on a roll, three updates (for different things) in two days…contrary to what Edgar said, if you liked this so much you'd like to see him profile another pokémon, let me know which ones you'd like to see. See ya!


	2. Eon of Eevee

A/N: Thanks for reviewing, my little chickadees! You apparently like this, so I'll continue it. And good news! All the names will be in English from now on, as there are currently no pokémon without a known English name! Oh, and contrary to what I said last chapter, it turns out most of what I said about the Rhy-family is in fact factual, and that that isn't cant be disproved. In your face Nintendo!

The World of Pokémon: Eon of Eevee

"Hello, and once again, welcome to The World of Pokémon," Egbert said, with his trademark whisper. He was in a city park, which was surrounded by a brightly coloured metropolis, buildings soaring high into the air, and low on the ground only one story. It was my personal favourite city: Goldenrod.

"Since I still have a few broken bones (but nothing to worry about), I've asked the producers to do this weeks show on some pokémon a little bit – less pain-inducing. So they've set me up with my lovely assistant for today's show, Rhonda," he whispered, walking over to an ugly girl wearing a blue floral dress, and surrounded by the eight members of the Eevee family.

"Hi!" she said to the camera, waving furiously.

"Now, she's here, with all of her pokémon, which she's kindly agreed to let us document on today. Now, we'll start with the basics, meaning the basic stage pokémon, Eevee," Egbert said, snorting in delight at his bad pun.

"Now, Eevee are a wholly unique breed of pokémon, in that they have multiple evolutions, and-"

"What about Tyrogue?" Rhonda put in.

"Yes all right, but-"

"And Gloom. And Poliwhirl, and Slowpoke, and Wurmple, and Kirlia, and Snorunt, and Clamperl, and Burmy, and-" Rhonda said, now counting them off on her fingers.

"Yes, alright, ALRIGHT!" There are now a lot if pokémon known to evolve into multiple other pokémon, but Eevee was the first one discovered. It also evolves into more pokémon than any other, a grand total of seven, and-" Edgar explained.

"Er, right, seven…" Rhonda interjected, holding something behind her back.

"I've learnt from last week not to ask," Edgar sighed, "Furthermore, it's the only pokémon for its type to completely change during evolution. Whilst other pokémon gain one type, or their secondary type changes, Eevee goes from pure normal, to fire, water, electric, grass, psychic, dark, or ice-"

"Don't forget ground!" Rhonda said happily.

"No, just no, no matter what it is, put it back in its pokéball!" Edgar said, on the verge of tears. Rhonda took a pokéball off her belt, and recalled the pokémon behind her back.

"Fortunately, I have an Eevee of my own," Edgar said, calling out his pet pokémon, a shiny Eevee.

"Ooh, what's with the colour?" Rhonda asked.

"I'm glad you asked that, Rhonda," Edgar said happily, patting her shoulder.

"Please don't touch me."

"Sorry. But the reason my Eevee is shiny is based on a special personality trait. Even the world's top scientists can't figure it out. Some have come up with a theory, but it would mean that when one person tried to capture it, it would be shiny, but then if someone else tried it wouldn't, and it has been proven that if a pokémon is shiny, it will stay – stop it!" Edgar wailed, as his ghostly brownish-blue Eevee became a normal coloured Eevee.

"Let's move on," Rhonda said, taking the helm. "Eevee are known to evolve in three different ways. To get a fire type Flareon, a water type Vaporeon, or an electric type Jolteon, you'd need to use an evolution stone, specifically, a fire, water, or thunder stone respectively."

"But the other aptly dubbed "Eeveelutions" are a bit harder to find, and they involve actually training your pokémon, like a normal trainer. Anyway, if you raise it during the day, and it's happy enough, your Eevee will evolve into an Espeon, yes," Edgar said, as Rhonda showed hers off for the camera, "But under the same circumstances, except at night, it will become Umbreon."

"But it becomes even more confusing there on out! Because no matter what time of day it is, or how much your pokémon likes you, if you raise it up at a certain place, it'll evolve into either Glaceon or Leafeon," Rhonda said.

"Exactly, if you raise it up at Moss Rock, it'll become a Leafeon, but if you raise it at Ice Rock, it evolves into Glaceon!" Edgar said, starting to get very excited.

"Both of these mysterious rocks are located in Sinnoh, Moss Rock in Eterna Forest," Rhonda said.

"And Ice Rock on route 217!" Edgar cried, panting.

"Calm down dear, it's only a documentary," Rhonda said.

"I know. It's just been so long without anything going wrong!" Edgar said, actually clapping.

"So how come those are the only Eeveelution types? Rhonda asked.

"Here it comes," Edgar muttered sadly.

"I mean, what about, say, a ground type?" Rhonda suggested casually.

"Well, if you remember, you were one of the first people to publicly discover Glaceon and Leafeon," Edgar told her.

"Indeed I was," Rhonda agreed, nodding.

"So who knows, there may be more to discover, but not during this documentary thank you!" Edgar snapped.

"Let's move on to attacks…" Rhonda suggested, backing away from Edgar.

"Yes…right…Eevee itself doesn't have a particularly popular move pool. Other than a few attacks, such as Shadow Ball, Dig, Iron Tail (all of which must be learnt through TM) and Bite, its attacks are pretty much entirely weak normal type attacks," Edgar explained.

"So why cant it learn many of its evolutions type attacks?" Rhonda asked, petting her Flareon.

"Ah, well its almost like Eevee has a "safe lock". Imagine it learnt Flamethrower, but then evolved into Glaceon! An ice type using fire attacks! That's just plain kooky!" Edgar cried. Suddenly, Rhonda's Glaceon hiccupped a ball of fire.

"Never mind. But when Eevee evolves it can begin learning attacks unique to its new type, and occasionally others, such as Vaporeon learning Haze," Edgar said.

A bout of hiccups broke loose then, with Leafeon zapping Edgar's hair on end, Flareon gushing a jet of water, which was good, because it put out the fire Umbreon had caused.

Edgar sighed, and decided to wrap the show up.

"Join me next week when I'll be profiling everyone's favourite foxes, Vulpix and Ninetales – alone!" Edgar said to Rhonda. She grunted and recalled her pokémon, but her new ground type Eeveelution broke out.

"Edgar out," Edgar sighed.

A/N: Well, I don't think it was as funny as the first one, but there were more actual facts to get out. Again, drop a review if you'd like me profile your favourite – it was thanks to a review that I did this, and the foxes next chapter. See ya!


	3. Tales of Ninetales

A/N: I've decided to (hopefully quickly) write another one of these! I've had several people asking me to have Egbert portray everyone's favourite non-internet-browser fire foxes…enjoy.

The World of Pokémon: Tales of Ninetailstales

"Hello yet again to my very own documentary, The World of Pokémon! Which is more than Nigel Bletchingdon's ever had!" Egbert said angrily, shaking his fist at the ground. He then turned back to the camera, smiling.

"Today, we're atop the _mysterious_ Mt. Pyre," he said, waving his hands and speaking in a "ghost-like" fashion on the word mysterious, "where we'll be learning more than you ever wanted to know about the Fox Pokémon, Vulpix and Ninetales! And first off, let's start by clearing up a common, and _extremely _annoying misconception about them," he said, rubbing his temple as he did. He then turned to the camera and pleaded, "its _tales_, ok, tales! Think of it as "Ninetales has nine tales to tell", not "Ninetails has nine tails to yank"! Actually, I knew a guy who yanked a Ninetales' tail once, and – well, let's just say he aint going anywhere near any dungeons again…"

"Wait!" he gasped suddenly, dropping down to the grass to hide, "I think I've spotted one! Wait – yes! Look, over there! A wild Vulpix!" He gasped. The camera span to reveal the small fox, cleaning itself nearby.

"Get down, you idiot!" Egbert hissed at the cameraman, and he fumbled as he moved to the floor, keeping the camera on the Vulpix. Naturally the movement didn't go unnoticed.

"Vul?" it said questioningly, turning to face directly into the camera.

"Now unfortunately there's no way of telling whether this is a male or female Vulpix," Egbert said off screen, "as they officially have no gender differences – hey wait, what about when they – you know – no, don't turn round to show the camera!" Egbert cried, as the camera span to him making a gesture involving two index fingers and a thumb. The camera immediately turned back to the Vulpix, still staring at the camera.

"Also of interest, is the fact that almost every single Pokédex entry for Vulpix lists it as being born with a single, white tail, but then the darken in colour, and the pokémon grows more as it grows older," Egbert said. The camera turned to face him.

"And…why is that interesting?" the cameraman asked, with the distinct voice of a bored teenager.

"I was getting to that, if you'd have let me finish! It's of interest because not a single human has ever been known to see a Vulpix with anything less than six, red- OMG THAT THING ONLY HAS THREE WHITE TAILS, FILM IT NOW!" Egbert screamed, leaping from the bushes, and pointing at the pokémon, but when the camera had turned round, the six, red-tailed pokémon was bounding off. The camera turned back to Egbert's nervous face.

"But it – but it did! I'm telling you, it only had three tails, and they were snow white!" Egbert wailed.

"Right…"

"Oh…just forget it, let's follow it," Egbert sighed, traipsing through the grass in the direction of the Vulpix. At this point the camera cut.

When it came back on, several hours had passed, judging by the deep blue colour of the sky.

"Er – hello viewers. Sorry about the delay, but we had a bit of trouble finding the Vulpix again – but it was his bloody fault, if he wasn't so frigging slow!" Egbert yelled, pointing at the cameraman.

"Excuse me! Who was it who kept saying "let's just sit down for five minutes"!?" the cameraman asked, with a passable imitation of Egbert.

"Cameramen are to see, not be heard!" Egbert retorted bitterly, "Anyway viewers, we've tracked the Vulpix down, and we're at a safe distance, just in time for a truly remarkable event! It seems the Vulpix is about to become a Mummy! Zoom in, zoom in! Not on me, the eggs!" Egbert wailed, as the world was treated to a close-up of his nostrils.

The first of the eggs began to glow, and out popped a baby Vulpix.

"Just look at that beautiful baby! It has six red tails, but- oh, and here comes the second one!" Egbert whispered excitedly, as the second egg began to glow. However, this time out popped a-

"Sloooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwwpoke," the baby pink pokémon yawned.

"Um, it's a Slowpoke – wait, those aren't even in the same egg group as Vulpix are they – and members of the Slowpoke family can't even be found anywhere near Mt. Pyre! Well…let's just see what comes out of this third egg…" Egbert sighed, as the final egg began glowing, soon erupting into a magnificent baby pokémon.

"Oh my. I don't even know what that is!" Egbert gasped.

"I think it's called Heatran," the cameraman said delicately, as the Lava Dome legendary casually walked away from the scene, with both Vulpix and the Slowpoke watching it walk away.

"Never mind, just forget it, just put it out of you head, Eg'," Egbert muttered, as the camera turned to face him once more, "Now, since it's impossible to find Ninetales in the wild-" Egbert said tentatively, quickly looking from side to side, apparently to make sure that no Ninetales were about to appear, "-we'll have to tweak the circumstances," Egbert sad, fumbling in his pockets, and dropping a set of keys that went unnoticed, as he pulled out a Fire Stone.

"Hey, um, isn't it strictly illegal to, you know, um, force a wild pokémon to evolve?" the cameraman asked.

"Oh, pffsh! Don't be so ridiculous. Now, we'll just roll this out to it and…yes!" Egbert exclaimed happily, as the baby Vulpix began to glow bright white, transforming into a glorious Ninetales.

"Now, normally we'd have just doomed this pokémon to life in the wild, because Ninetales have a very limited movepool, learning most of their moves during their time as a Vulpix. Indeed, apart from being taught moves by humans, the only move Ninetales can learn is Fire Spin, and sometimes it can't even learn that," Egbert pointed out.

At this point the Ninetales stood up, facing Egbert angrily, its tails high in the air, as it gave off its shrill cry.

"Ah yes – Ninetales are also known to be able to understand human speech better than any pokémon – a, uh – a _truly_ remarkable feat, showing that Ninetales is, perhaps, the single most intelligent pokémon," the naturalist said carefully, and the Fox Pokémon backed down, though it still hiccupped a Will-O-Wisp.

"Of course…anyway, though it does have quite a lack of moves, Ninetales may be one pokémon that doesn't need them – it has its own unique kind of defence that couldn't be seen in ordinary battle – its curse," Egbert said solemnly.

"Actually, um, there kind of is an attack called Curse-" the cameraman pointed out.

"Not that kind of curse! No, when one pulls a Ninetales tail, you are certain to be cursed for 1000 years…and now this is the part where I'm either a) wrong or b) cursed…" Egbert sighed, but as the Kricketot began to chirp, nothing happened.

"Oh," Egbert said happily, "Then let's carry on. Ninetales are also known for their remarkable life spans – up to 1000 years! In fact it's possible the only reason the curse stops working is because it's dead. Yes, this beauty has got a long life ahead of it," Egbert said, putting the Ninetales gingerly. As he did so, it collapsed.

"Uh – I think it's dead," the cameraman said simply.

"No! That's impossible!" Egbert wailed, "Well…I suppose we'd better call the RSPCP…" Egbert sighed.

"Well look on the bright side; sure everything went wrong, but you didn't get physically hurt this time," the cameraman pointed out, and Egbert's spirits rose.

At this point the Vulpix showed up again, and blasted Egbert with a dose of Confuse Ray.

"Oh my…Lady Thatcher!" Egbert muttered, as he dizzily span around.

It then proceeded to blaze him with Flamethrower, however in his confused state he didn't even notice.

Next he collapsed onto the dead Ninetales, cuddling up with its tails, and inadvertently yanking them. He instantly vanished from the spot.

"Um…Egbert's out…" the cameraman said.

Disclaimer: No Ninetales were harmed during the making of this documentary. As usual, the only thing to come to harm is Egbert.

A/N: Wow, I actually got his name right the whole way through this. And if you're wondering, Egbert will be back…though not in time for next chapter, with special guest host Nigel Bletchingdon (refer to earlier in this chapter)! See ya!


End file.
